Event Negotiating: Mastering the Art of the Ask

Negotiation pros share strategies to save money, build partnerships and create win-win deals

Last fall, Ellen Labenski, founder of Parker Easley Enterprises, a firm specializing in pharmaceutical venue sourcing, meeting planning and venue contracting, was in the final stages of planning a large global meeting in New York City when her client canceled just five weeks prior to the conference. “It was a large contract with very steep cancellation fees,” Labenski says.

Tapping her negotiation skills, she explained the situation to the property’s global sales manager (with whom her client had a relationship) and convinced them to provide rebooking credit in lieu of cancellation fees. “The outcome saved the client about 60 percent of the original penalty,” Labenski says. “There’s nothing wrong with going to a hotel and saying, ‘I hate to do this, but this is what we’re looking at.’ It’s about showing that human factor.”

The ability to negotiate is one of the most important skills a meeting can have. But whether haggling with clients, vendors, properties and even their own team members, negotiation can be scary, especially as many planners are “people people,” averse to ruffling feathers.

“Many people get nervous about negotiating,” says Therese Jardine, president and CEO of Strategic Event Procurement, a firm specializing in bridging event marketers, meeting planners and procurement. “A lot of planners have an ‘accommodating’ negotiation style, so they may be inclined to give more than they have to in order to build a relationship with the other party.”

We asked experts for tips to help meeting planners level up their negotiation skills.

Do Your Homework

Before entering any negotiation, it’s crucial to think through all your needs—and those of the people across the table. “One of the mistakes people make is they just dive in,” Jardine says. “Do some research on the person you’re going to be negotiating with. Think about what would be important to them, and how they make their money. You’ve got to do your preparation.”

Read More: The Art of Negotiation in Unpredictable Times

It’s also important to stay curious and ask questions to identify opportunities. “Gather data—industry benchmarks, historical spend, vendor performance and your own must-haves versus nice-to-haves,” says Alexandra Carter, a clinical professor and director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School, and author of Ask for More: Ten Questions to Negotiate Anything. “Then go in ready to ask the other party, ‘What are your priorities on this project?’ and ‘How can we align our goals?’ Negotiators who ask great questions tend to make more advantageous deals.”

Stop and Breathe

It can be startling when your negotiating partner starts with a higher-than-anticipated price (sometimes called “anchoring”) or when they create a sense of urgency around an artificial deadline. The key is to stay grounded and calmly work toward a resolution.

“Don’t let their tactics pull you into an emotional state that doesn’t help you,” says Linda Swindling, professor of practice in negotiation and dispute resolution at the University of Texas at Dallas and author of Ask Outrageously!: The Secret to Getting What You Really Want. “Just stop and breathe, and remember the ASK method: ask for clarification, seek additional information and know your best step before you invest your emotions in responding.”

On the other hand, don’t be afraid to be brave and bold in your asks, and stay tough. If you ask for something, give the person time to respond before assuming it’s a no. “Don’t negotiate against yourself,” Jardine says. “Many people, women in particular, tend to assume the answer is no, and so they don’t even ask the question, and that’s where the real loss happens.”

Expanding the Pie

While negotiation is sometimes seen as a competition, the ideal approach is collaboration, with both parties finding ways to “expand the pie,” adding value in ways that go beyond financial costs. “People sometimes think of the person on the other side of the table as an adversary, as opposed to a partner,” Jardine says. “In most cases, you negotiate with, not against, somebody.”

Read More: Hotel Fees: The Ultimate Budget Buster

For example, if a property is firm on a room rate, a planner might ask to have a resort fee waived if their attendees aren’t likely to use a hotel’s amenities during their event. Or they might offer to share decor or AV with another group if it can lead to a reduced price. “Instead of instantly jumping to ask them to knock $50 off the rate, put yourself in a place of, I want to be a better partner,” Labenski says.

“Offering referrals, flexibility, future business or testimonials can shift the equation,” Carter says. “Position yourself as someone who helps solve their problems. I have a saying: Never request. Recruit. Instead of asking someone for something across the table, I want to pull them around to my side of the table, so we are now co-conspirators working on a common goal.”

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Chuck Kapelke, a veteran communications professional, is a perpetually fascinated observer of human behavior; he holds a B.A. in anthropology from Harvard College.