Five Principles
Author: Bruce Weinstein, Ph.D.
January 2006
Smart Perspectives
Take a few minutes to remind yourself how doing good is the surest path to feeling good.
The secret to living a rich, satisfying and happy life is to be found in five simple principles. We’ve all known about these principles for over 5,000 years. Every religious tradition in the world teaches them, as do parents in every country. Without them, civilization would be impossible because there would be nothing but chaos everywhere. These principles have a transforming effect on who we are and where we go in life. They are the principles of ethics, and they are as follows:
- Do no harm
- Make things better
- Respect others
- Be fair
- Be loving
These principles are simple, but deceptively so. This is because too often we let fear, anger, or other negative emotions get us off track. This creates a downward spiral, and it’s sometimes difficult to get back to where we want to be.
For example, how often do we really keep “do no harm” in mind during our daily interactions with people? If a clerk at the grocery store is nasty to us, don’t we sometimes return the nastiness and tell ourselves, “Serves them right!” When we do, we harm the other person. And, in so doing, we harm our own soul. This is unquestionably a prime reason why we shouldn’t return nastiness with more of the same.
You might wonder, “If these principles are so commonplace, why should I read an article or attend a lecture about them? I already know them.”
It’s true that they’re commonplace, but it’s also true that in our hectic, overcommitted lives, we get so caught up in the details of getting through the day that it’s easy to forget how importantly these principles apply to everything we do. Likewise, we’re tempted every day to ignore them and to place value on things that ultimately aren’t that important. So taking a few steps back to consider these precepts is a helpful thing to do.
On the face of it, the principles are about making a difference in the lives of other people. Therefore, taking them seriously seems like something we have to do, something we ought to do, but it’s something that, quite frankly, we’d rather not do.
It turns out, however, that making ethics our central concern is actually the best way for us to lead a richer, more fulfilled life. Imagine a life that helps us get the things we want: the right partner, a job we love, and a place where we want to live. Also, by taking ethics seriously, we serve as role models to our children and increase the chances that they will go into the world and make us proud.
Recent scandals in the news show the risks we take when we neglect these principles: public humiliation, shame, and sometimes a lengthy visit to prison. But the main reason for taking ethics seriously is not the dangers of failing to do so, but rather because it’s the right thing to do.
The path to a happier, more fulfilled life lies in becoming reacquainted with the principles of ethics, those time-tested truths which remind us how we should treat one another. When we take the high road, we give a gift to others and to ourselves. By acting with integrity, we feel better about ourselves, and then we create the conditions for making many wonderful choices in our own lives. It’s the greatest gift of all.
Let’s see how we might apply these principles to a real-life scenario:
Your friend asks you if you like the new dress she has just purchased. You think it looks horrible but don’t want to hurt her feelings. Would you:
A Tell her the truth?
B Find something about the dress that you do like and mention only that (e.g., “Rayon is so easy to care for!”)?
C Or use language that is accurate but deceptive (“It’s incredible! I’ve never seen anything like it!”?
Life Principle #3, Respect Others, initially seems to point in the direction of “A,” since being honest is one of the ways that we apply this principle in everyday life. But is it safe to assume that our friend truly wants our opinion? That might be the case if the two of you were at a store trying on various outfits, but she has already bought the dress. Chances are, what she wants is not your honest evaluation but validation that she made a good decision, according to her own tastes and preferences.
In one episode of I Love Lucy, Lucy promised to tell the truth for 24 hours. She chose “C” when asked for her opinion about some new furniture a friend had bought. “It looks like a dream,” she responded, after having confided to Ethel that the room looked (more specifically) like a nightmare. Her choice was technically correct but intentionally misleading.
Ultimately it’s choice “B” that allows you to avoid getting into the habit of being deceptive. After all, the more we deceive others, even for benevolent reasons, the easier it becomes to do so. “B” also validates your friend’s choice and makes her feel good about the purchase without being dishonest. It is the best option of the three.
Bruce Weinstein, Ph.D., also known as “The Ethics Guy,” appears regularly on CNN, the Fox News Channel and MSNBC. Knight Ridder/Tribune distributes his weekly syndicated column, “Ask the Ethics Guy.” To find out more about how living an ethical life makes us happier, healthier, and more prosperous, you can consult his new book, Life Principles: Feeling Good by Doing Good, (Emmis Books, $17.95). Dr. Weinstein’s writings have appeared in or been featured in, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times, The Christian Science Monitor, Woman’s World, Family Circle, Investor’s Business Daily, and the Journal of the American Medical Association. He can be reached at Bruce@TheEthicsGuy.com. For speaker inquiries, contact Kaaren@keynotespeakers.com.
Bruce Weinstein, Ph.D., also known as “The Ethics Guy,”
